1. 'EARLY LABOR OF OVARIAN PUTIN MAY BECOME POSSIBLE'
Ovarian cancer screening, an announcement from the labor department, and a Putin endorsement of Donald Trump.
I didn't know Putin had ovaries, much less that he was pregnant. Still, I hope he doesn't deliver before the baby is ready, even if it is possible.2. 'HUCKABEE[,] MUSK, STEPHEN HAWKING WANT TO SAVE THE WEBSITE FROM LETTUCE CONCERNS'
Musk and Hawking wanting to "save the world from killer robots", Huckabee's use of the word "holocaust", and lettuce causing food poisoning.
You've heard of the attack of killer tomatoes. Now, lettuce is going after the internet. Who will save us? An unlikely alliance of a conservative politician, a tech entrepreneur, and a theoretical physicist.3. 'REVIEW: OBAMACARE GOES 'ROGUE' IN NEW 'MISSION''
A combination of Tom Cruise's "Rogue Nation" Mission Impossible and articles relating to Obamacare and efforts to repeal it.
Republicans say the President has "gone rogue" and overstepped his authority by implementing the Affordable Care Act with the mission to cover every American with health insurance. Will he accomplish his task? Tune in next open enrollment.4. 'FOOTBALL PRICES PROBABLY WON'T HELP YOUR LOWER BACK CHINA'
Oil prices, football games, steroid injections that don't help lower back pain, the China stock crash, and Biden probably won't beat Clinton in a presidential nomination contest.
As for your back pain China, better let go of relying on football sales to ease your suffering. It's not going to help.5. 'POLL: CLINTON [...] RELEASES LIVE CONFEDERATE NETFLIX PREACHER'
A poll about Biden versus Clinton running, the Confederate flag controversy, Netflix announcing parental leave changes, and the arrest of an Islamic preacher for supporting ISIS.
I am glad that Clinton released this man alive. Even if he is a Confederate, we all still need to hear the good news of movies mailed to our door and streamed over the internet.
Want more? Follow me on Twitter at @philanalytics to get the latest #POSNewsUpdate.
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